sunshine…. sunshine…

its been many days since I felt this. A new low. Or better yet, another of them lows. Sometimes I feel that I am lonely. Utterly. The whole world is enjoying and I am left out of it. To say the truth, I don’t have any group so as to say. Million friends maybe, but no one to call at night for help. Of course, I have not tried it. The problem is that I cannot settle with a group, because I find many of their thoughts contrary to mine. Then the separation and distancing happens. Also, I don’t like to play games people routinely and happily play. I am pretty sensitive to all those subtle manipulations which rampantly happen under the guise of relationship, and not only I try to avoid it, I positively abhor it. My main point is that, somehow not everyone is aware of this happening. Especially the sufferers or victims. I feel for them.

Now this has to change.I need to learn how to maintain the network and develop a ever improving one. I need to start and learn to love myself, and to respect myself first. I presume that a lot of confidence will flow from it, and will seep into many things, relationships, and behavioral patterns currently needing change.

This also means that I need to hold myself to better standards and thereby commit to a better lifestyle, better discipline and better thinking process. Not only this, I need to train myself to be content with the current situation as well. The balance, as always , is the key.